Into the Sun

What seems like a million years ago now on this day I was married.  I was lucky enough to find myself surrounded by family and friends who adored me and I adored.  The day before there had been a sudden downpour that soaked the lawn and gave rise to fears my wedding and reception were going to be a total wash out.  It was July in Southern California.  It really doesn't rain in July.  Have to love foreshadowing. 

Nobody protested at the proper point in the wedding so I found myself married.  The family reception back at my folks was a huge sprawling full house and most of the block party.  I was wearing a hand made silk dress that my Aunt had made for me in San Fransisco.  I had the traditional old, borrowed, new and blue.  I am told I was radiant.  Naturally tears happened at the reception.  I found out my other Aunt had a secret...her mother had just passed.  I loved her mom whole heartedly.  But still the reception went on.  I left with my groom and went off into the sunset to stay at a very nice upscale La Jolla hotel for the night. 

Life shortly there after went horribly sideways.  My groom had a few secrets of his own he'd kept involving his fondness for alcohol and drugs.  Four months later I was sobbing and out the door.  I didn't stop loving him I just didn't see how I could live with him.  We didn't part angry we just parted. 

Now and then I thought of him but not in any way that made me want to look him up or even find out if he was happy.  I had made my way in life and considered the 'starter' marriage as just that.  My folks still refer to the major reception afterwards as 'that hell of a party'.  Yesterday for some odd reason his name kept pushing into my brain.  His full name.  His birthday.  Stuff I hadn't even thought I remembered.  Lunch time I googled it just on a lark because today would have been an anniversary.  I expected to find links to a Facebook page with either tons of photos of his present day family - kids and such with a dog or a page full of rock and roll band stuff (we'd been in bands on and off during time together).  Even a link to a corporate professional site was playing through my mind.

Instead I found out he passed away October 2, 2005.  Eight years ago.  There was no mistake from the information I saw, his brother and sister mentioned and his various homes.  I hadn't a clue.  I still don't quite know what I am feeling. RIP my dear.  I hope you are safe at home.